November mornings have always been my favorite. The warmth of a morning cup of coffee with a little snow on the ground, time spent with family, Thanksgiving traditions, the expectation of Christmas. Yet November of 2016 had been a whirlwind of events, traveling, leading worship, preparing for EIGHT Christmas Eve services and I didn’t feel like my nights were very silent and all did not feel calm.
It was a year ago on a cold November morning I sat down with my coffee I had reheated 3 times since getting the girls off to school and I retreated to the stillness of my living room to ask God just one question…
“What do You want me to do?”
I had spent the entire year in wide eyed anticipation of…I had no idea. My husband Tony was feeling it too. The Lord had been filling us with so much passion and expectation yet we had no idea what direction to run or where we would go if set loose so in our hearts we were waiting while running. Running while wandering.
One of my favorite authors and speakers describes this as living with a, “burr in your saddle.” You can feel something new is there underneath all the normal routine and daily responsibilities. It doesn’t hurt, it’s just a bit uncomfortable and you can’t sit still. The danger in ignoring this “burr” is that if we ignore it long enough we can go numb to the pain and something ugly can grow without us even knowing it’s there.
We had a burr in our saddle.
In the quiet of that November morning I sat praying, reading, journaling and then I did something I try not to do during my quiet times. I checked Twitter. I had no reason to do so, at the time I figured it was just force of habit and was disgusted by my own lack of discipline with social media. Yet I kept on scrolling…
I follow all kinds of pastors and leaders who inspire me with their messages, quotes and blogs and I typically have no understanding of who they are or the churches they pastor. Yet one Tweet from a particular pastor stuck out to me that day. It simply said,
“If you love the local church, we are looking for a worship pastor,” with a link to an application.
The room grew still, my heart began pounding inexplicably and my eyes filled with tears. I had no idea who this pastor was or what church he led but I found myself drawn to his words. For nearly five years the Lord had been teaching me about loving His Church, writing for His Church, leading His Church. I had been convicted that being a pastor’s kid wasn’t enough. I didn’t inherit a love for God’s people, it was something I would have to develop on my own. I couldn’t lead a church I didn’t love. I couldn’t write for a church I didn’t know. I couldn’t pastor a team and flock I didn’t know how to protect. For five years the Lord had been growing me in this very area of ministry and I felt in my Spirit I needed to respond out of faith.
So I did something I’ve never done before. I clicked the link to an application of a church I assumed was around 200 people in a town I assumed was somewhere in no man’s land midwest America. I attached a song that had been recently published with Integrity Music and updated a resume I hadn’t touched in years and without a thought in mind clicked, SEND.
And then I did something I do often. I panicked.
I called my husband and told him what I had done and he said, “Would you please Google and find out what you’ve applied us for?” So I Googled the pastor and this church and well, this is what I saw…
At that point I suddenly realized that I had just applied for New Life Church in Colorado Springs, CO. The same church who wrote songs we had been singing for years and known for housing worship leaders, pastors and writers who had been making a global impact on the Church.
Then I called Tony and we had a good laugh. Well, at least I tried, right?
I knew when it came to the worship world I was a nobody. I wasn’t famous. I wasn’t signed to a label. I had written a few songs that a few people had heard. I lived in a tiny town in Ohio very few people outside of the Midwest could find on a map. For 20 years I had been okay with that. I didn’t need anything else, I was perfectly satisfied.
Except for that burr in my saddle.
So I thanked the Lord for giving me a willing heart, I thanked Him for where He had us and everything He had given us and I went on my day.
A few days later, we weren’t laughing anymore. God saw me, this nobody, He plucked me from obscurity and placed our family in front of people who should have never known our names and said, “this one.”
Three weeks later we were on a plane to Colorado Springs to interview and meet some of their staff. A month later we were getting our house ready to sell. Two months later it went on the market and sold in 24 hours for more than asking price. We enrolled Annabelle into a brand new school. We found our rental home owned by an amazing Christian family. Three months later said goodbye to family and friends we’d known and lived among our whole lives. Four months later we were driving across the country to our new home.
We arrived the week of Easter and spent our first three weeks living in a one room Extended Stay where we survived off fast food and home cooked meals from our new church family. We experienced our first Colorado snowfalls and were loved on by new friends who have become like family to us and our girls. From horseback riding to hiking, to wading in mountain streams and fishing in crystal clear lakes we discovered a whole new part of our country. We moved into our new home in May!
Every morning I woke up and would stare at the giant mountains and had to remind myself they would still be there the next day. I struggled with missing our family and friends back home yet feeling the peace and beauty that comes with obedience.REPORT THIS AD
When I sent in my resume I had no idea I was applying to a high profile church of thousands of people. I’m glad the Lord hid that from me when I clicked on the application. In fact, the weekend I came out to New Life to interview I led worship on a Sunday morning and this is what I saw when I walked into their sanctuary…
I posted this on a social media that Sunday morning in January and a friend commented, “Hold on, because God is on the move!” It was then realized that others had seen in our ministry something that I hadn’t seen on my own. They had been praying for us and over us and waiting along with us for the moment we would by faith shout, “YES!”
As I stood in front of all those people getting ready to lead worship and watching the countdown clock move to zero I remember telling the Lord, “I can’t do this. I’m not good enough. There are too many people. You’re asking me to do something that I’m not ready to do!”
And in a matter of 30 seconds the Lord showed me every nursing home, every hospital, every church service, every congregation, every person my family had pastored and led in the seen and unseen. I saw every soup kitchen, every homeless shelter, every out of tune upright piano I played old Amy Grant songs on for offertories in front of 25 people smiling at me through all the wrong notes. He showed me all the times I said yes when I wanted to say no. He reminded me of all the journal entries that turned into prayers that turned into intercession that turned into weeping before His feet and asking Him, “what do You want me to do?”
Then he showed me that every single time He has answered. Every single time He has been faithful.
Then I felt a supernatural shove and I found myself standing there with a new team, a new band and a new congregation that would soon become our new church family and I heard Him say, “You can and you will. This is what I have been preparing you for all these years. Now GO…” and I opened my mouth and did what He created me to do.
Later that day we had a formal meeting with the pastor of New Life Church, Pastor Brady Boyd and a few other pastors. He told me that the day I responded to that Tweet he had been praying about the position and asking God who He wanted to be in the position. He told us the Holy Spirit prompted him to write the exact words that had resonated so loudly with me, “If you love the local church….” And within hours he received my application.
I think sometimes we forget that all we have to do is open our mouths, open our lives, open our homes, open our hearts to the thing He has called us to do and He will make us brave. The months leading up to actually getting to Colorado were intense and difficult and once we arrived I was exhausted from the process of obedience. People won’t always understand our obedience and we can’t always explain it eloquently, we just know we have to go. God was there the whole time, making the impossible possible and showing us physically and prophetically that His hand was on this decision and move.
Since arriving in Colorado Annabelle and Selah are now in full time public school (3rd grade and Kindergarten) and have made amazing new friends there as well as at New Life Church. Annabelle got baptized and is on the New Life Kids Worship team and Selah loves being outside and running the trails with my dad and Tony. We have been loved so well by other couples and we’re experiencing true community as a couple and family which has been such a gift to Tony and me.
It’s incredibly exciting to be a Worship Pastor at New Life Church and part of the New Life Worship community. To be part of a team filled with so many talented leaders, pastors, teachers and songwriters is a gift and a dream come true and I am very aware of the responsibility that comes with this opportunity. I learn something new every day about myself, about leading others, about ministry and pastoring God’s people.
I practice a lot, I write a lot, I rewrite even more and am daily reminded that skill is a huge part of what I do but anointing is far more critical in answering this call. So I allow myself to be broken so I can be poured out and then refilled as God reforms me into what He wants me to be. And it hurts. It’s a process. And I’m grateful. Every single day I’m so thankful.
For many of you 2018 will be a year of asking, “God, what do You want me to do?” And I believe He will answer. When we were making this decision a friend of mine said,
“Natalie, you guys have to go. Time is too short to be afraid.”
So my advice to you would be the same. Whatever God is putting on your heart to do, wherever He is putting on your heart to go, whomever He is putting on your heart to love, serve and encourage. GO. DO. IT.
Because time is too short to be afraid.
So in 2018 here’s to a year of asking God, “what do You want me to do?”
And doing it.
